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Anger - How to Deal With It

Anger is normal, natural. Everyone feels anger.

What matters is how you manage and express that anger.

1. Become aware of the distortions you may make in your mind which cause you to feel anger, such things as labeling, mind reading, magnification, and "should" statements. Instead of labeling another person, tell that person, directly, what is bothering you. Underneath almost every criticism is a need. Say that need or desire directly.

2. Reduce, eliminate "should" statements, such as "People should reciprocate." People are not aware of your expectations. Remember, you are not entitled to instant gratification.

3. Write down your hot and angry thoughts; and, substitute cool thoughts for them.

3. Consider, evaluate what hurt or fear or sadness is hidden beneath your anger or is being expressed in your anger???

4. Learn to distinguish between harmful and harmless ways of expressing anger. Seek and find reasonable, acceptable ways to express your anger.

5. Learn and REGULARLY PRACTICE, even five minutes a day, a relaxation technique, such as exercise, yoga, meditation, deep breathing, sitting still and quiet.

6. When resentments have built up over time, negotiate a time and a place to discuss the problem with the other person[s].

7. Learn to expect and accept craziness from others and some uncontrollable events in your life. Being flexible may be a key to being healthier, unless, of course. you never honor your own preferences.

8. Improve your self-esteem. You will likely feel less anger if you feel better about yourself.

9. Remember emotions are simply energy; you can welcome the extra energy and use it constructively.

10. Angry feelings toward another person often represent hidden or denied parts of the person being angry--what are you NOT saying or doing that the other IS saying or doing from which you can learn. This is a big challenge for most people.

11. Use visualization. When you are relaxed, fantasize situations which make you angry. Visualize the situation clearly and imagine going through the scene feeling relaxed and behaving assertively.

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If your anger is getting in the way of your life working the way you want, please call to set up an appointment.

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